you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
