I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
