Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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