hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
