Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
