so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
the liver wants what the liver wants
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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