Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
