I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
