did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
