the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
