haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
