so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Randomize
