his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
