Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I love you.
Bad choice
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
