i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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