I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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