The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
