I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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