i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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