5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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