That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
