2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
