the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
