I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
