Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
