i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
