i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
