We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
