Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
