I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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