Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
