Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
