just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize