Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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