I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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