hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
