So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
