Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just cut my nipple shaving
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
