we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
