Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
