...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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