Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
