he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
