Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
