You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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