just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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