do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
