I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
