How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
