I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I cockslap morals
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
