You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
