How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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