Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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