We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
