sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
