So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
