tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
