Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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