I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
