i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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