I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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