I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
