I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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