Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
