I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
