You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
