tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
