While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
