Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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