But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
